he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
