i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
