Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
