Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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