Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
