I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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