so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Green mimosas i think yes
What a dumb baby whore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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