Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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