Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wish there were birth control emojis
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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