I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
