i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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