i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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