I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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