When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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