Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
