yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't deserve a penis
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
