do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
