Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Couch. On fire.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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