Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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