theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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