I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
