I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome