? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
They took my balls.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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