Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.