I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
