Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."