I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.