He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
