You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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