Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
