mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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