When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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