I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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