You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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