so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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