You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
