woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize