I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
