ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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