I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
