so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
