I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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