my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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