Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
