i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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