I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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