I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
