SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
