As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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