Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
