Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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