I wish I could punch you in the face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
