5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
