so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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