farters have to be the big spoon...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He better not be in your backpack
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
