i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
