I heard we made out
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
