I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
