yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
