also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i've created a new STD.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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