I just pynch a tree in the face
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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