Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
