you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
