I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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