Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
