nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
