You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
