I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
