the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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