When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
